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Ultima Clearly Different
April 13, 2018

How to Make Your Wife Happy in Less than 5 Minutes

Starting a blog is a lot like going to an open mike. You may bomb or you may kill it, (you’ll probably bomb), but at the end of the day there is only one way to find out.

So how do you make your wife happy in less than 5 minutes? You wash her car. 

That seems like a lot to cover in just 5 minutes, but can you really put a price on happiness?

Originally, this was going to be a “how to” blog entry about exactly how to wash your car in 5 minutes, but then I realized that would make this blog like every other car care blog out there, and then no one would want to read it.

So instead I’ll leave you with a story about how I came to meet the Ultima Clearly Different team, and why they called upon me to be their voice.

It was a typically dark and ominous afternoon in San Diego, CA when I answered the creepy ad from Craigslist. It was the type of day where you wouldn’t want be caught in the shaded section of an outdoor café because the wind was kind of chilly. But then again, you wouldn’t want to be in the sun either because then you might get too hot. And these guys wanted to meet at an outdoor café….

Fortunately, I was prepared for both shaded section/ in the sun situations as I got stuck with a chair outside that was half in the sun/ half in the shade! The only reason I agreed to this meeting was that I was already familiar with the Ultima product line and actually a big fan. But how much did these Ultima guys know about me?

Did they know about my sordid past moonlighting as an auto-detailer, or the time I laundered methamphetamine money through a car wash? (Oh wait… that was Breaking Bad, never mind).

All they knew about me was that I could write, but that it also came at a price. One of the owners wryly slide a bottle of screen protector across the table to me, thinking I didn’t know what it was.

“Is this supposed to protect my cellphone screen?” I said, pretending not to know.

He nodded his head as I slipped it into my pocket.


“I’m going to have to keep this if you want my help,” I told him.  

That night I took the bottle of screen protector home and what happened from there may not even be appropriate for Internet. But I’m going to put it out there anyway… In the next blog entry….


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